Saturday, February 5, 2011

Verbal Bitch Slaps From William Shakespeare

It's been a little while since I've visited my calendar of Shakespeare's zingers. We've definitely got some good ones this week. Enjoy, you whores and whoresons. God I love that.

"Rash, inconsiderate, fiery voluntaries,
With ladies' faces and fierce dragons' spleens."
--The Life and Death of King John 2.1.67-68.
Wait a minute, something is wrong here. This is Chatillion, a French ambassador, describing the English army. Have I wandered into some bizzaro world, where the French make fun of other armies for being effeminate?

"Thou wert best set thy lower part where thy
nose stands."
--All's Well That Ends Well 2.3.246-247
Ok, so correct me if I'm wrong here....but is Lord Lafew telling Parolles to go sniff his own crotch?

"Your hose...ungartered, your bonnet
unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your
shoe untied, and everything about you
demonstrating a careless desolation."
--As You Like It 3.2.357-360
The calendar explains that Rosalind is explaining to Orlando that this is how a person should look when they're really in love. It actually sounds more like she's describing someone taking the walk of shame.

"If she be less than an honest woman, she is indeed more than I took her for."
--The Merchant of Venice 3.5.37-38
Ha! This is pretty straight-forward but I still think it's hilarious.

"You rise to play, and go to bed to work"
--Othello, the Moor of Venice 2.1.115
Seriously, Iago, go fuck yourself. To find this kind of enlightened thinking on the role of wives nowadays, you'll want to find yourself a nice redneck bar and find the guy who has been divorced 3 times and has at least two restraining orders against him. I really don't think I've ever wanted to kick a fictional character in the balls so badly in my life.

1 comment:

  1. LOL!!! I love your take on Shakespeare! You should teach English Lit at the school I work at.