Monday, February 21, 2011

This Week In Non-House Hugh Laurie: Spice World

Oh, Hugh. You've gotta be kidding me. What in God's name possessed you to say yes to Spice World? Granted, he's only doing a minute-long cameo as a parody of the classic detective Poirot in some bizarre daydream sequence. But really....why?

Actually, I've got some theories about how he wound up in this cameo. In fact, I've got ten of them. So I thought what better way to tell you about them than with some special guests.

David Letterman: Well, well. This may be a new low. Now I'm stuck doing guest spots on some lame blogger's website. Oh well, it still beats NBC.

Paul Shaffer: Ha HAAAAA! That's too good Dave!

David Letterman: Thank you, sir. Now, what have we got here...ah yes, "The Top 10 Reasons That Hugh Laurie Did Spice World."

Paul Shaffer: Hoo boy, this should be great!

*plays a few obnoxious sounding lines on the piano*

Letterman: So here we go.

Number 10...He needed money to cover the $400,000 in back taxes that the IRS claims he owed,ignoring the fact that he lived and worked in England.

Number 9... Famed Poirot actor David Suchet told him about a "really unique opportunity" to play a new take on the character.

Number 8...Posh Spice agreed to have sex with him.

Number 7...Sporty Spice agreed to not have sex with him.

Shaffer: Hey now, I'd totally do Sporty Spice.

*plays a few sleazy sounding lines on the piano*

Letterman: Yeah well you'd be willing to do anyone willing to have sex with someone who looks like a walking penis with dwarfism. What's next?

Number 6...He found out that Stephen Fry was doing a cameo, and he couldn't bear to let him ruin his career alone.

Number 5... He was performing some kind of a delayed hazing ritual for alma mater Cambridge University.

Number 4...On the set of A Bit of Fry and Laurie, he accidentally slammed his balls in a car door and claimed to director Bob Spiers that there was no more painful an experience to be found on Earth. After a mere 2 years, Spiers found a way to prove him wrong.

Number 3...He was told that this would be his gateway to a role in a big budget US movie. Unfortunately, that film was Stuart Little.

Number 2...He wanted to give loser blog writers something to bust his balls about.

Shaffer: Just like this blog right? Ha HAAAAAAA!

*tries to play a few intelligent sounding lines on piano, but they just wind up sounding obnoxious and sleazy*

Letterman: Yeah, Paul. That's swell. Just put your head down on the piano would ya? And now, the number one reason why Hugh Laurie agreed to be in Spice World....

I dunno, maybe he's just a fan of the Spice Girls.


  1. Plot flaw in your stupid blog.

    David Letterman's Top 10 is counted backwards from ten.


  2. You're the moron. It quite clearly does count down from 10.

  3. Post Spice? How low does the National British Postal Service have to stoop to prove they're still relevant?

  4. Wow how is it that like 4 people read my blog and they have all managed to be that kind of loser who goes on to blogs just to correct the writer's grammar?