Monday, November 29, 2010

This Week In Non-House Hugh Laurie: "America"

After a lovely Thanksgiving holiday of eating turkey and not writing any posts, it seems I'll be following up last week's non-House Hugh Laurie segment with....another non-House Hugh Laurie segment. But in my defense, I'll be doing so with an aspect of Hugh Laurie that we haven't seen yet, which is Hugh Laurie's ability to write and sing ridiculous songs.

The song I chose for this week, "America," hits a particular note with me for two reasons. First, I cannot fucking stand when pop musicians cash in on American patriotism. And yes, I'm looking squarely at you, Toby Keith. "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue (Angry American)" may be the worst song ever written in the history of anything being written. If you haven't heard it, do yourself a favor. Don't. Just don't ever.

Basically, a man who has made his living playing a musical instrument has taken it upon himself to warn terrorists of the ass-kicking they have coming. But, lest you think his motives for writing a song about American patriotism in the wake of 9/11 are anything less than pure, just remember Keith simply had to write it as a tribute to his father:

It wasn’t written for everybody. And when you write something from your heart - I had a dad that was a veteran, taught me how precious our freedom is - I was so angry when we were attacked here on American soil that it leaked out of me. You know, some people wept when they heard it. Some people got goose bumps. Some people were emotionally moved. Some cheered, turned their fists in the air.

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. Fuck you times a million. There is nothing more nauseating than watching the macho posturing of a man you know has never been put in harms way for a single day in his life. This is just a shallow rallying cry for people looking for any excuse to shout "America, fuck yeah!" without any hint of irony.

Which brings me to the second thing that "America" brings to my mind. Fellow complainer Lewis Black made the best point that I've ever heard about mindless country pride in a bit on his CD, The End of the Universe. I can't seem to find the exact quote, but it comes down to this: Imagine you have a coworker who wanders around the office continually shouting "I'm the
best motherfucker in this place!" Eventually, you and your fellow office mates will rise up and slay him.

Yes, we live in a great country with a lot to be thankful for, so we should enjoy it and even be proud of it. But do we need to rub it into the faces of everyone we know just to make the point that we think their lives are a big pile of dogshit? For Christ's sake, let's settle down a bit, huh? I think this post has taken a bit of a turn. Perhaps its time to get to the clip before I get too lost up my own ass. Enjoy some light musical satire, folks!


  1. I think Hugh Laurie writes songs. Of course, he may right them, too.

  2. Well what I was trying to do there is display the juxtaposition between writing and doing right, which is an........ok it was just crappy grammar.

  3. You really don't have a clue and are just ranting. Toby Keith is one of the greatest country artists today. What he wrote was from the heart, because he cares for his country and his father. He didn't record "Courtesy" because he WANTED to record that song. He recorded it because a General in the Armed Forces asked him to record it.

    Yes, he didn't serve in the armed forces, but he has a sincere appreciation of our troops and the fact that they provide us the freedom to live, work and play in one of the best countries in the world. He works closely with the USO and goes overseas every year to entertain the troops in FOBS that are under constant fire and who don't see too much of the outside world because of the dangerous areas they are defending.

    Does that mean anything to you? No, it doesn't, you have the right to write about a person you know nothing about--since you called him a pop artist--I'm pretty sure you know nothing about him and you can be malicious about it, but remember one thing when he sings "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue" in front of the kids that defend our country they go wild over that song, so whether you like it or not, I don't care, they do and I care about them.

  4. Hm...I guess I shouldn't be expecting a Christmas card from Anonymous this year.

  5. AHHHH.......not only are you grumpy, but you can see into the future too! LOL

  6. How is the USA one of the greatest places to live? ...hahahahaha anonymous you sense of humour is so 'out-there'...made my day...

  7. I'm a different anonymous....
    I love this post. <3
    (Btw, first anonymous, if you don't care why did you take the time to write your impassioned stereotypically derp-ish defense?)
    I hate all country music, tbh.
    But anyway, like I said, great post! :D

  8. Surely this video serves as proof for Britain being the greatest country to live in because it can create people as awesome as Fry and Laurie.